I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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