sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
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I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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