My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
not ubering you a puppy
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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