Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
