I want to stick my p in your. b.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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