I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
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you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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