im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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