fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
