Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize