I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
