hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize