I must be too annoying 4 u.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
