So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
