i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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