Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I want her autograph on my taint
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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