I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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