At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
