Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
