is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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