Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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