I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
