So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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