very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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