Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
as a side note pls kill me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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