Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
