i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
