just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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