I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
