I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
