They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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