fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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