Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
