Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
