So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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