There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sober January is a disaster.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
