I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize