cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
