Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
