38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
