i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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