I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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