Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
