After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
