If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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