i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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