I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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