Dual....:-)
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
