Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
