I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
