I was born with a shot glass in my hand
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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