You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I didn't notice because vodka
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
