Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
