I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
