He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
