It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
