i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
