omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
