I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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