just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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