Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
