I am in a vortex of obligation.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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