My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
