i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Come see our sink grown plant.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
