did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.